Time doesn’t exist. The Gregorian calendar is an entirely man made concept and the year, although astrologically it represents a revolution around the sun, is an unrecognisable concept to our biological and physical forms. Realistically we can, and should, jump on a new resolution at any chosen minute of any chosen day, if something needs changing, change it now. All we have is now after all. In a less cynical sense however, the new year heralds a wave of optimistic and motivated energies from the general and expansive public that may carry your resolution further than it would have gone in the middle of summer. Ultimately the new year for me represents a time of deep reflection, a time where I can sew the seeds of the year past, in new and more diverse ways. A time to reflect, renew, discard and decide.
This year I am being REALISTIC. This means treating my goals as life alterations with no distinct time scale (as time does not exist, and we are after all, only human ;)) It means choosing goals that aren’t based in egoic ventures and societal dictations, for example; getting toned and shaped, losing weight I don’t necessarily need to lose other than to look good, trying to obtain material possessions I don’t need or certain jobs that “look good”. This year my goals are rooted in “becoming better”. My best friend grabbed me on new years eve and shouted into my ear over the noise of the crowd “THIS IS THE YEAR YOU GET BETTER”, I knew she meant it was the year I finally released a 7 year long eating disorder but honestly it resonated on so many different levels. She is right, whoever she would have said it to that night she would have been right.
2020 is the year you get better means absolutely everything. It means physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally. It means you start to make decisions out of love every time. It means you treat your body with respect not indulgence. It means choosing kindness every time you are able to with enough respect for yourself to know when you cant this time. It means getting to know yourself , I mean really honestly, going through the tears and the discomfort and holding your own hand until you really uncover what makes and has made you, you ( If you need help with doing this, therapy IS for everyone and anyone). It means being strict about where to and who your energy goes to, if it consistently drains you or leaves you in a worse place, let that shit go, you will receive something better ten-fold I absolutely promise you. It means discipline, trust, respect and love, for yourself first and others when you are ready.
Where I am starting;
1) Caring about how it feels. Not giving a sh*t about what it actually is.
If you have a hobby that you might think people would judge you for doing, but it FEELS good, then ask yourself why you really care about the judgement of another? It comes down to self-love doesn’t it.
If you’ve got your own back then why does it matter if other people haven’t?
A majorly important quote I learned in 2019 was “what people do, say and think has everything to do with them and NOTHING to do with you”. It is you who has to live your life and if you’re living it uncomfortably or small then what’s the point? Choose things that feel good, ignore the surface layer stuff, vibe higher ❤
2) NOT trying to get fit
Sometimes fitness journeys can be an egoic fueled venture that plucks on low self-esteem. Be careful of the reasons you want to get fit.
I will not be aiming to get fitter or healthier this year. This one is fairly personal as a history of eating disorders in the past 8 years has painted my teen years and early adult hood with fear of changing shape, gaining weight and eating the wrong things at the wrong time. It meant I couldn’t wear clothes i wanted to, eat with people i love, go out and enjoy myself, drink certain alcohols on a night out, eat what I really really wanted to eat and I have reached a point, now, in 2020 where I am absolutely sick of it and every part of social media that has fueled it.
3) Doing things I really don’t want to do if it means self-love or self-respect.
I have an issue with popularised “self-care” and “self-love” culture, eating an entire bag of doughnuts and binge watching sitcoms every night is not necessarily self care, that’s mind-soothing, its falling prey to your inner lazy self, its confusing what the mind is screaming at you with what your body is asking for. Get to know the difference, get to know yourself.
More often than not self-care is choosing a superfood salad instead of a burger this time, its making yourself go for a run instead of staying in bed, its forcing yourself to do that thing you keep meaning to do instead of “taking a break because you need it”.
Obviously this is ridiculously personal, every one needs different things. Just understand that your body doesn’t actually want sugary doughnuts, your mind does. Love yourself, for real, get to know what that really means.
This year I want to see us thriving and succeeding (whatever that means to you). I want to see people saying “I am my highest self” instead of “I want to be my highest self”, I want to see discipline and hard work and raw honesty but also gentleness with ones self, real self-care and pure enjoyment of life.
2020 is the year you get better
vignettes 